Troubled Waters

                          

After every euphoric moment comes a severe dip: in emotions, in connectivity and in over-all well being.

Euphoric moment: Manveer is growing up, developing empathy and showing signs of understanding what it takes to be a balanced human being

Troubled realisation: Manveer is growing up, hiding things of importance, lies to you and is disorganised in his life

How does a parent find the equilibrium: a sense of balance and dosage of equanimity???


Mama (M): Beta, complete the work of English Literature before your grandparents arrive today

Son (S): Sure Mom, will do

(After 4 hours, call from work)

M: Have you completed your work, dada-daadi will be there in an hour

S: Yes, Maa... almost done.

M: Wow, that's great !

S: Thank u, Mama!

(In the evening, after returning from work I walk into his room and see that his literature notebook is lying there. I open it  and am shocked to see that he hasn't done even 10% of the work. I close the notebook and leave it there on the table itself. Manveer comes back from his playtime with friends)

M: Manveer, please show me the work you've done

S: Let it be, mama. Check it out tomorrow

M: I want to see it today... now!

(Goes to his room, returns after 5 minutes)

S: Mama, I can't locate my notebook. I had done the work but now can't find it

M: Oh! Let's go and check it out together

(After looking at various places)

M: Manveer, is there something that you wan to tell me?

S: No, Mama

M: Mani, I know the truth, maybe you too can come clean on it ...NOW

S: What, Mama? I did the work.

M: You have 10 minutes, look around and show me the notebook.

(S spends 10 minutes huffing and puffing through the room. I walk in)

M: I kept your notebook here on the table when you went to play downstairs. Where is it now?

S: What ? No... there is no notebook here. I've checked it everywhere... I'm not lying... i did the work.

M: I know what I'm saying. Now you have 5 minutes to decide whether you want to share the truth or not. It's your call now

(S spends another 10 minutes in his room and calls me)

S:Mama, I want to talk to you

M: Yes?

S: I didn't do the work and that's why I hid the notebook.

I tried my best to maintain my cool and keep an even tone. Did succeed to an extent but internally I was shattered, broken and completely at loss to understand as to why my child has resorted to telling lies.

Why couldn't he simply walk up to me and confess?

Have I failed to give him the confidence that he can walk u p to me and admit his mistakes?

Have I failed to instill the importance of telling the truth?

What was it that he feared?

Why did he choose a short cut?

Why didn't he trust his parents enough?

Believe me, lots of introspection has been going on since then.

Such incidents are becoming more common now

My confidence on my parenting skills and my child  : both are on a very shaky ground these days.