“I don’t
want to go to the class, you can get my name deducted from there”, Manveer said
these words with averted eyes and refusing to look at me or face me.
I was
shocked to hear him say this but was more disturbed coz he was not facing me
squarely and stating his decision. There was more to it than what was visible
to us.
He had been
avoiding practice sessions, dozing off while playing and generally losing
interest in something that he was soooo… eager to learn. What is going wrong? I
just decided to probe him further about it. I simply had to say, “What
happened, Mani?” and the dam of emotions burst open.
“It is very
unfair, Mom!! When we are in the same class and are at the same level then why
it has to be me only who has to keep on repeating the lesson?”, he looked at me
with so much pain and hurt in his eyes that I was touched to the core of my
heart ……….
Ever since I
can remember, Manveer has always been insisting on learning how to play guitar.
He has been waiting to turn 7+, so that he can enroll for the same. Then how
did the situation turn around so badly in just a month and a half?
I had touched him at the place where it hurt
the most……. He was hurting deep down and had not shared it with us……….. Why?
Keeping these thoughts aside, I focused on the issue at hand.
“Manveer,
what do you mean? Who are we talking about here?” I tentatively asked Manveer. “Mama,
my group mates at guitar……….. Sir always gives me home work and then in the
next class I have to play the same again while all of them just simply move on.
Aisa kyun?” “Unko bhi toh fir se play karna chahiye!” tears rolling down his
cheek and emotions floating in them……… it took all my effort to stop myself
from crying.
“OK!! But
why don’t they repeat the same lesson again? What does your Sir say about
this?” He became all the more grumpy and
replied, “I don’t know.”
After giving
it some thought, I understood what was going on………. His group had kids who were
elder to him by 3 or more years and they were learning at a different pace as
compared to him. Being a Libran cusp, his balance was badly shaken and he
didn’t like it. Manveer has always been very fair in his conduct: if Mama gets
2 kisses from him, then even Papa gets 2 kisses from him. If Mama gets a
heavenly back rub from him then Papa also has to get it. It is just not in him
to be partial towards anyone. All things balanced and fair: that is his
philosophy.
In
competitive board games, he even goes to the extent of helping the other player
if he senses the other person to be lagging behind.
But in his
class that was not happening, others were being taken ahead and he was
deliberately left behind. So seeing such injustice being done to him in the
class was really upsetting and disturbed his sense of fair play so much that he
simply wanted to call it quits.
Ok! So we
have the reason of the withdrawal and here comes the task to explain that
different people learn at different pace and also that this is not a
competition where one has to stand first, it is a passion which he chose to
follow and excel in.
Now he has
understood and come to terms with different learning scenarios and let’s see
how it goes further.
This
incident brought forth the intensity of emotions which he is experiencing and
also a hidden trait: he doesn’t always come forth and share his turmoil with
us. He has a tendency to internalize the thoughts, pain and conflicts; he is
much more sensitive than an average child of his age.
I want to
say to Manveer, “Darling, it is important to come ahead and share your views about
what you feel is going wrong. All the more so if it affects you negatively.”
I hope he
will surround himself with people who will understand this and not take
advantage of the fact. The mother hawk in me has just become even more watchful
of him and his surroundings.
