In Conversation with Manveer II

Mama! I want a little brother.

Why don't you get pregnant?

Hhmm.... How can you become pregnant?

Tell me, Mama...

My 11 year old  son had suddenly decided that it was time to get younger brother and since it had to be through mother's womb, hence the tirade of questions, impatience to the core and as is typical of today's generation... instant gratification, absolutely no delays.

Manveer, I cannot get pregnant now.

Why Mama, are you too old now? ( please God sensitize these kids to not say such hurtful things like aging, getting old )

No! I'm definitely not old but due to some medical complications, it is not possible for me now. Besides, I already have my sonny boy. I am damn fond of him... he is my googly woogly wooosh. My own sweety pie. Why do you want a sibling now? You have your parents..... you have a mother who can be your friend as well. ( I launched into friendly bit to establish the simple fact that he can share everything with me ... everything, mind you :))



No, You are not my friend. You are my mama only. You are family whereras with friends, you have to be formal always, with you I can cuddle up, hug you and do whatever I want.

Formal? With friends? What do you mean,Manveer? I believe you are your true naughty self with friends.

No,it's not possible always... depends on types of friends, Mama

(Now I was intrigued by what Manveer had said, I put aside my book and focused completely on  Manveer)

Okay! Can you explain what you mean by this statement?

Look Mama, I have different relationship with all my friends

Like with Marmik, I am very cool, casual.... naughty and say whatever I want to say

But with Enrique, I have have to be a little careful

Adelle is also a good friend and with her I can talk in different slang but once she starts chattering away to glory, I have to ask her to stop......Adelle! Please stop for a breath atleast and Phew! let me breathe too!!

Krisbir and Guri are my younger brothers... when they come over, I am like, " Okay, Bros...what do you want to do or play today? " And then I scold Guri when he is mischievous. Basically, they are family to me, that's it!

And ... Nandini & Gauri are family friends... initially I am a bit formal with them but eventually we are cool to go and end up having fun with them too.


Why are they family friends and not family? You've known them the longest, you were just two and half years old when you met them.

Mama! you know they are girls and I need to respect that bit as well but I always look forward to meeting and playing with them. It is soooo... much fun!


This clarity of thought and spontaneous expression had me amazed at his ability to communicate on the spur of the moment in a very well defined way.

Is he the same kid who had me hopping mad at him just a day prior to this? Is this the same kid who seems to be always lost in his games, cartoons and toys? Is he the same kid who leaves everything on his study desk in such a mess that I am sometimes left screaming and pulling my hair in despair... Seems like they all come in such a mixed package only :) But bless them for all they are and what they are capable of ...Amen!

Let's raise a toast to wonders and surprises that these kids can spring up-- anytime, anywhere. And as I said, " Please be ready to catch those glimpses of brilliance that shine through all the clutter around us... Just be there... Let the breeze flow ... let the work await... let the world come to standstill... For nothing is as precious as that one moment of connecting with your child at a very deep level."

the image is sourced from: https://www.google.co.in/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=&url=https%3A%2F%2Fekoraminashvili.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F11%2F29%2Fmy-friends%2F&psig=AFQjCNHzwvzjL1PEQnKgXD0hqGQn1Le2vg&ust=1467354541671353

Troubled Waters

                          

After every euphoric moment comes a severe dip: in emotions, in connectivity and in over-all well being.

Euphoric moment: Manveer is growing up, developing empathy and showing signs of understanding what it takes to be a balanced human being

Troubled realisation: Manveer is growing up, hiding things of importance, lies to you and is disorganised in his life

How does a parent find the equilibrium: a sense of balance and dosage of equanimity???


Mama (M): Beta, complete the work of English Literature before your grandparents arrive today

Son (S): Sure Mom, will do

(After 4 hours, call from work)

M: Have you completed your work, dada-daadi will be there in an hour

S: Yes, Maa... almost done.

M: Wow, that's great !

S: Thank u, Mama!

(In the evening, after returning from work I walk into his room and see that his literature notebook is lying there. I open it  and am shocked to see that he hasn't done even 10% of the work. I close the notebook and leave it there on the table itself. Manveer comes back from his playtime with friends)

M: Manveer, please show me the work you've done

S: Let it be, mama. Check it out tomorrow

M: I want to see it today... now!

(Goes to his room, returns after 5 minutes)

S: Mama, I can't locate my notebook. I had done the work but now can't find it

M: Oh! Let's go and check it out together

(After looking at various places)

M: Manveer, is there something that you wan to tell me?

S: No, Mama

M: Mani, I know the truth, maybe you too can come clean on it ...NOW

S: What, Mama? I did the work.

M: You have 10 minutes, look around and show me the notebook.

(S spends 10 minutes huffing and puffing through the room. I walk in)

M: I kept your notebook here on the table when you went to play downstairs. Where is it now?

S: What ? No... there is no notebook here. I've checked it everywhere... I'm not lying... i did the work.

M: I know what I'm saying. Now you have 5 minutes to decide whether you want to share the truth or not. It's your call now

(S spends another 10 minutes in his room and calls me)

S:Mama, I want to talk to you

M: Yes?

S: I didn't do the work and that's why I hid the notebook.

I tried my best to maintain my cool and keep an even tone. Did succeed to an extent but internally I was shattered, broken and completely at loss to understand as to why my child has resorted to telling lies.

Why couldn't he simply walk up to me and confess?

Have I failed to give him the confidence that he can walk u p to me and admit his mistakes?

Have I failed to instill the importance of telling the truth?

What was it that he feared?

Why did he choose a short cut?

Why didn't he trust his parents enough?

Believe me, lots of introspection has been going on since then.

Such incidents are becoming more common now

My confidence on my parenting skills and my child  : both are on a very shaky ground these days.

In conversation with Manveer.....

When does a parent realize that her child has grown up now and probably needs a little more of a space out???

My answer...... in a completely and seemingly innocuous  conversation with the ward in question.

A single remark and you know the moment has arrived......

Just one condition..... be there for that split second moment...... always ready to catch the signal, as when it's emanated, it lasts only so long.... then it disappears and you might have wait a lot before you get the opportunity again.

Yesterday, being my friend, Jyoti's birthday, she had invited me to her birthday get together in the evening. I was delayed at work due to some meeting. (btw I am working at SGT University these days)😃. Since I was getting late and hubby dearest also couldn't reach home early .... i decided to meet up with Jyoti at her PG and then reach home early to be with Manveer.

I called to inform Manna, and shared  my plan with  him.

Here's how the conversation went:

"Mama, don't cancel your plans because of me".

"Manveer, it's okay.... I'll be home soon."
With this as I was about to disconnect the phone, i heard Manna say:

"No, Mama! you will not cancel the plan today. It's your friend's birthday, she has invited you and will be waiting you. You know when I call my friends to play and they don't turn up, it really hurts and today is Jyoti didi's special day, so go and make it special for her".

Believe me.... I was caught unawares at the sheer clarity of thought and the level of empathy this child exhibited. 

Although I must admit, being a mother there was this  alarm bell also ringing and I wanted  to understand whether he is seriously concerned or he is trying to shoo me away from home ... while he enjoys his time at home.....

I know i might sound like a suspicious mom trying to keep tabs and doubting her own child but still to state the truth .. this was it for me....

This sonny boy of mine is growing up with the right set of values..... that I am so glad of ......

But being a mom is easier said than done, because their is always something that catches your eye makes you sit up and watch out .......... what it is ??? well I'll share that with you in my next post.

Nuggets of wisdom from Manveer

It's summertime and time to sit back and relax especially during summer vacations. So this time we decided to go on a small trek..... to Triund.

As they say there's always a first time, so I have to admit that this was the first trek of my life....... In all the four decades (well almost 4) of my life, I had never gone on a single trek. So me and Jatinder thought that we should be able to boost of at least one trek ...... actually looking all around I realised that it's not long before it will become tough for us to move around and we might sitting tight with painful knees and zero strength to take us up a flight of stairs, leave alone going on a 7 km trek.

We packed our bags and headed to McLeodganj ... all full of excitement and me ... i was a bit apprehensive too..
The trek was all that I had thought it would be..... it was tiring, bugging, felt like giving up mid way, weather too hot to handle, I came back with sunburns.

It tested our strength, passion, stamina, determination, perseverance and what not. But we didn't give up.

Yahoooo..... it was THE moment for us when we actually made it to the top.

The surprise of the trek was Manveer. He showed such determination and agility that I was completely floored by him. He showed  no sign of giving up or losing interest or complaining of the fact that it was a tough task..... no, nothing of the sort.... he was right there till the end...

This trek showed a completely different and hitherto unknown facets of Manveer's personality.......
one, he doesn't give up if he is really keen on something
second, he is open to communicate and befriending others(after only a few moments of hesitation, that's it)
thirdly, he can be a huge pillar of strength for us
fourth, he is a risk taker and explorer,just needs a gentle nudge towards the direction
fifth, he enjoys rock climbing......
phew.... did we go on trek or on self discovery trip..... or to be more precise, Manveer discovery trip........
believe me, we found a gem ....of the most brilliant type.......

chalo.... now with a gem in tow.... we came back to the city of dreams.... Gurgaon.....
Braving the scorching heat and moving on.... decided to spend the last day of the vacation at home.... rolling and slothing around.
And for us, the movie buffs..... watching a movie is the best way of doing tnat.....
And so started the movie marathon of the day......

one of the movies that we watched and enjoyed  was Doosra Aadmi....... it's Rishi Kapoor and Rakhee starrer..... beautiful movie with some really nice musical numbers too.....
 watching it, i felt it was more of adult's movie ....as it had the story line of an older women falling in love with a younger man ..... plus some other complexities..... go watch the movie if you want to know the complete story....😏😏.

i presumed that Manveer wouldn't really enjoy the movie and instead of me asking him to go and do something else, he himself will do that, but to our surprise he decided to watch it through although half halfheartedly.

Once the movie was over, I asked Manveer, "What's the moral of the story......??"
As is typical of Manveer, he thought for a moment and said.....Don't judge the book  by it's cover.

and he was done with it ..... got up and went to his room to get his laptop and to play his favorite game these days... GST  (whatever it is !!!).

here both, me and Jatinder were stumped ... and left wondering and pondering over the fact that it was actually true.... a very subtle but very precise lesson to be learnt from the movie.....

of course there were  other deductions that were possible but ...... what he said, and his perspective  was flawless.

It's times like these and these moments of clarity of .....not only in thoughts but their expression as well in such simple lucid words ........that always amazes us and we are left speechless ..
I just hope that he retains this clarity and clutter free vision in times to come.

Parenthood is a continuous journey with something new and amazing happening all the time...... so this gem of mine is slowly polishing itself and shining brighter each day....

May you shine the brightest without any compromises .....Amen!!!

Marriage Plans

Marriage Plans

Here's a piece of Manveer's mind ......... a conversation that took place some years ago but is still very fresh in my mind, as if it had happened yesterday ........

Sitting in front of the television and just updating myself to the happenings of the programs aired after 8:00 pm every night (ok! I admit that I like watching those soaps with all the drama…..but only because I don’t want to be left out of the office conversations. I don’t know why but every gupshup session has to end up with the discussion of these soapy soap operas…. So you know don’t just strike out my name out of that intellectuals list out there because I am there, here, everywhere………. ;))

Now can we just get back to my viewing session? Although they are getting so few that I can actually count them on my finger tips.

Enough of my side tracking…………. I promise now I’ll just stick to what I wanted to share in the first place.  While I was viewing one of the said soaps, Manveer kept flipping across the screen. I felt he was doing this just to force me to switch  channels and watch something more natural and attuned to the normal human existence (this behavior is just like his father, I tell you ALL men are like that…… including the little brats as well).

But on closer look, I saw that he was just clicking away with his camera ….the one in his mobile phone (he recently got his first mobile that he can call all his ….actually it is my very old handset……. It still doesn’t have a sim card in it but that does not spoil his spirits at all.  You can say I am happy to hear thatJ).

He kept on clicking from all possible angles and of every possible object around in the room. Irritated by his constant flipping across and spoiling my premiere time, I shouted at him (actually shrieked is a better word), “what are you doing, Manveer? Get aside and let me watch my program…!”

The reply that I got was something like this.

“Mama, mein apne room ki photos kheench raha hoon, har angle se…..ke main kahan par souta tha, mera bed kahan par hota tha, aap kahan par soute the, side table par kya rakhte the….. main in sab ko apni memory ke saath-saath camera mein bhi store kar raha hoon, taaki jab main shaadi kar ke yahan se chala jaoonga toh mujhe yeh sab yahan ki yaad dilaayenga…... isliye…”. Manveer said all this very solemnly and he meant each and every word of his.

(Translation to English: Mama, I am clicking pics of our room from every angle …….. to record where I used to sleep, where my bed was, where your bed was, what we kept on the side table…….. I am storing them in my memory as well as my camera, so that when I leave this house after my marriage then I can go back to these and remember my childhood days…..)

I was stunned. So was Jatinder who just happened to walk in at that precise moment. Trying to keep a straight face, Jats asked, “Par tumhari shaadi mein toh abhi time hai naa…..vaise kab karoge tum shaadi?”

 (Translation: But there is lots of time before you can get married…...when would like to marry?)

Manveer said, “abhi nahin, jab mein bada ho jaoonga, 20 years ke baad…. .”

(Translation:  not right now…… after say 20 years, when I will be all grown up…….)

Jats said, “Tub tum kahan jaoge?” “Papa, mein bada ho kar bade ghar mein jaoonga naa…..fir jab mujhe yahan ki yaad aayegi toh mein in pictures ko dekh loonga aur mere bachaon ko dikhaoonga naa……..”

(Translation: Jats: where will you go when you grow up?

Manveer: I’ll go to a bigger house…. And if I miss this house then I will see these pictures and show them to my kids as well.)

Now this was too much for us to digest. We were doubling over with laughter, had to make humungous effort to control the peals of laughter so that he didn’t start feeling embarrassed and decides  not to share his thoughts.

“So whom will you marry? Do you know someone whom you would like to marry?” Jats decided to dig deeper into Manveer’s thinking.

“No Papa! Abhi toh kissi se bhi shaadi nahin kar paoonga; abhi toh sab friends hi hain na….!”Manveer said this with an all knowing expression on his face.

(Translation:  no Papa! Right now all of them are my friends and we don’t get married to friends… you know?)

“Agar friend se nahin toh kya tum enemy se shaadi karoge?” Jats was enjoying this conversation too much to let it go waste…….

(Translation: If not a friend, then will you get married to an enemy?)

“Nahin na…..shaadi toh ussi se karte hain na jisse hum pyaar karte hain….” This was Manveer’s sage but somewhat irritated reply. He had started fidgeting now and was uncomfortable of the entire cross questioning taking place.

(Translation: No….. we marry only that person whom we love …..)

I was following this conversation with lots of curiosity as I wanted to know what views Manveer has formed till now about life, love, marriage. Till today, we have never ever talked, joked or said anything about his marriage or his loving someone … or anything remotely related to this aspect of life. So I was curious as to how he is assimilating all the information from  his surroundings. No doubt he must be highly influenced by the movies, television etc. but how he is interpreting it all had to be unique to him.

This little dialogue between him and his father shed a whole lot of light on to how he sees the things around him and his take on such happenings. I must say I was relieved to hear that he does value LOVE above everything else. He has his heart in the right place…… so to say and I am really glad. Although I am not yet ready to let my guard down as to what reaches his ears and eyes; but I can at least heave a sigh of relief that he is gonna make choices based on love in his life.

Now what will become of friends and love……that is a  whole new chapter…… let us just wait and watch……… J

Here are pictures of your bed where you sleep these days: keepsake for you, dear!

watching tv from his bed......

Summer fun!!

Today the post is all about what Manveer did in his holidays:

First of all the summer projects from School:

bag made from old shorts

manveer sewing his bag ......... first time he ever sew anything!!

brandishing the new bag.....made by him!!

folder to hold all the assignment sheets

preparing the folder......

table mat for school dining hall

all of them together in a single shot

 Trip to Dalhousie and Mcleodgunj

posing near the chamera lake

boating in the chamera lake ... towards the ravi river

mountain views from the sunset point of Naddi ........

Manveer clicked some beautiful pictures of the sunset view at Naddi, but will share them along with some of his other wonderful picks in the later post

loved reading books..... they are so much fun, Mama!!

Glass made of ice......thanda thanda cool cool!!

drinking water in the ice glass......wow.....!!

 i tried it too, felt really cold on the lips but was lots of fun. how was this made..... well that is a mystery between me and Manveer.

Manveer got his new cycle ..... Inferno by Firefox

day one on the new cycle.... in the park..... i am ready to take off, Mama!!

 Visiting his cousins:

at his cousin's farmhouse..... it was so much fun.

 they used to start their day at 8:oo in the morning and wound up at God knows when.......simple, pure fun, mastii time for all..... :)

 Time for friends:

with Nandini, Gauri when they came to stay overnight.....

game time with Krishbir......

manveer had lots of fun with Sidhharth as well..... played fact finding game at his house.

 Fun in general:

swimming.... this time mani learnt how to float and started basic swimming as well..... !!

zorbing was so much fun for him......

this was the first time since Manveer was born when I was not around all the day to play with him, take him out for treats during the day, drop him for his summer classes that he used to join, make him do his school projects ....... in general chilling out. I was really aprehensive about how he would manage himself, won't he feel lonely, without guidance to ensure what was truly right for him........ But it seems all these were my unfounded worries, he managed himself beautifully...... did all his summer project's planning himself, off course he took my help as well, asked his fahter how to do certain things ....... but overall he was so much organised that i was really amazed.

then what was the downside...hhmmm ...... he used to call me up atleast...... say, 20 times during the time I was out...... for what you say?.....well, to keep me posted about what he was up to ...... :)

Seems like these days have made him responsible towards his work as well......

earlier I had to remind him to finish his schoolwork, but nowadays, since his school has reopened, he ensures that all the work is finished before he goes to sleep for the day. Just like yeaterday, he was up till 11:00 pm to finish his schoolwork. (actually he had his guitar lessons yesterday and after the class, I had to go and collect my suits from my boutique ;) so we got home very late....... )

As for me, well I am as usual watching him with awe !!

Marriage Plans !!

Sitting in front of the television and just updating myself to the happenings of the programs aired after 8:00 pm every night (ok! I admit that I like watching those soaps with all the drama…..but only because I don’t want to be left out of the office conversations. I don’t know why but every gupshup session has to end up with the discussion of these soapy soap operas…. So you know don’t just strike out my name out of that intellectuals list out there because I am there, here, everywhere………. ;))

Now can we just get back to my viewing session? Although they are getting so few that I can actually count them on my finger tips.

Enough of my side tracking…………. I promise now I’ll just stick to what I wanted to share in the first place.  While I was viewing one of the said soaps, Manveer kept flipping across the screen. I felt he was doing this just to force me to switch  channels and watch something more natural and attuned to the normal human existence (this behavior is just like his father, I tell you ALL men are like that…… including the little brats as well).

But on closer look, I saw that he was just clicking away with his camera ….the one in his mobile phone (he recently got his first mobile that he can call all his ….actually it is my very old handset……. It still doesn’t have a sim card in it but that does not spoil his spirits at all.  You can say I am happy to hear that).

He kept on clicking from all possible angles and of every possible object around in the room. Irritated by his constant flipping across and spoiling my premiere time, I shouted at him (actually shrieked is a better word), “what are you doing, Manveer? Get aside and let me watch my program…!”

The reply that I got was something like this.


"Mama, मैं अपने room की photos खींच रहा हूँ , हर angle से ........के मैं कहाँ सोता था , मेरा bed कहाँ था, आप कहाँ सोते थे , side table पर क्या रखते थे ......... मैं इन सब को अपनी memory के साथ-साथ अपने कैमरे में भी store कर रहा हूँ, ताकि जब मैं शादी कर के यहाँ से जाऊँगा तोह मुझे यह सब यहाँ की याद दिलाएंगी....... इसलिए ....."Manveer said all this very solmenly and he meant each and every word of his.

(Translation to English: Mama, I am clicking pics of our room from every angle …….. to record where I used to sleep, where my bed was, where your bed was, what we kept on the side table…….. I am storing them in my memory as well as my camera, so that when I leave this house after my marriage then I can go back to these and remember my childhood days…..)

I was stunned. so was Jatinder who just happened to walk in at that precise moment. Trying to keep a straight face, jats asked, "पर तुम्हारी शादी में तोह अभी time है ना ........ वैसे कब करोगे तुम शादी?"

 (Translation: But there is lots of time before you can get married…...when would like to marry?)

 Manveer said, "अभी नहीं, जब मैं बड़ा हो जाऊँगा, 20 yearsके बाद ........"

(Translation:  not right now…… after say 20 years, when I will be all grown up…….)

Jats said, "तब तुम कहाँ जाओगे?" "पापा, मैं बड़ा हो कर बड़े घर में जाऊँगा ना .......... फिर जब मुझे यहाँ की याद आयेगी तो मैं इन photos को देख लूँगा और अपने बच्चों को दिखाऊँगा ना ......."
जट्स

(Translation: Jats: where will you go when you grow up?

Manveer: I’ll go to a bigger house…. And if I miss this house then I will see these pictures and show them to my kids as well.)

Now this was too much for us to digest. We were doubling over with laughter, had to make humungous effort to control the peals of laughter so that he didn’t start feeling embarrassed.

“So whom will you marry? Do you know someone whom you would like to marry?” Jats decided to dig deeper into Manveer’s thinking.

"No, Papa! अभी तोह किस्सी से भी नहीं कर सकता ; अभी तोह सब friends ही हैं ना ...........!"Manveer said this with an all knowing expression.

(Translation:  no Papa! Right now all of them are my friends and we don’t get married to friends… you know?)

"अगर friend से नहीं तोह क्या तुम दुश्मन से शादी करोगे?" Jats was enjoying this conversation too much to let it go waste.............

(Translation: If not a friend, then will you get married to an enemy?)

"नहीं ना ........ शादी तोह उसी से करते हैं ना जिससे आप प्यार करते हैं......" This was Manveer's sage but somewhat irritated reply. He had started fidgeting now and was uncomfortable due to the entire  cross questioning takin place.

(Translation: No….. we marry only that person whom we love …..)

I was following this conversation with lots of curiosity as I wanted to know what views Manveer has formed till now about life, love, marriage. Till today, we have never ever talked, joked or said anything about his marriage or his loving someone … or anything remotely related to this aspect of life. So I was curious as to how he is assimilating all the information from all around his surroundings. No doubt he must be highly influenced by the movies, television etc. but how he is interpreting it all had to be unique to him.

This little dialogue between him and his father shed a whole lot of light on to how he sees the things around him and his take on such happenings. I must say I was relieved to hear that he does value LOVE above everything else. He has his heart in the right place…… so to say and I am really glad. Although I am not yet ready to let my guard down as to what reaches his ears and eyes; but I can at least heave a sigh of relief that he is gonna make choices based on love in his life.

Now what will become of friends and love……that is a  whole new chapter…… let us just wait and watch………

Here are pictures of your bed where you sleep these days: keepsake for you, dear!

                                              your fav pose while watching tv.......

                                                       this is where you sleep, darling.........


carry the memories with you, look back with fondness over these days when you grow up.......... and also add millions of more exciting and endearing memories to your memory bank each day..........and  i know you will surely do.....!!!